To my one year old

Mummy can’t help but feel nostalgic.

Listening to others sing you happy birthday sends me into a rapid flight back to the day of your birth. I never felt as empowered – or as vulnerable – as that perfect Sunday morning. It also sends me into a frenzy of emotions. Here you are, much loved by all our family and friends, when only 12 months ago, all your movements and your incessant hiccupping were my little secret.

I never really prepared or thought of the time when you will be your own self, an independent little human, separate from my ballooning aching body.  Opening the fridge and seeing food that expired after your due date was like seeing another planet through a telescope: there, but not for me.

Soon enough though, you left me and the first glimpse daddy and I had of you personified our future. There you were, barely visible brows frowned and lips pouting, your now recognisable facial expression for determination and complete concentration. That first cry was of a strong and determined character. Today, a year on, daddy and I know better. Your individuality shines through.

Your first year here has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, varying levels of sheer exhaustion and an innate pride that shines whenever I set eyes or mind on you.

I can still see your first smile when, at ten days old, you couldn’t retain your happiness listening to daddy sing. Music is such a big part of your life and there’s no holding you still if you hear as much as a single note playing.

You started giggling loud and hard early and your happiness brought tears to our eyes.

When you discovered the toys on your bouncer, you were enthralled. I could spend hours watching you explore their feel and texture.

At eleven weeks, you could no longer stand mummy’s dwindling supply; we now know that food is your priority. You’d taste everything under the sun if we let you.

The first time you crawled was when we went to playgroup. Other mummies had asked me if you were crawling and I said no. But, across the room, another little girl was eating a snack and you wanted some too.

Your first word came with no warning and those that came after followed suit. Your vocabulary consists of mamma, dadda, bye and Mark or Max, we still have to decipher between the two. You’ve also made a habit of repeating random words but never twice. I’ve had witnesses in instances though and ‘highchair’, ‘hello’, ‘nice’ and ‘book’ have been proven. You’ve also managed a mild bad word but thankfully that’s been forgotten.

You love being the centre of attention and whilst mummy shies away, you make sure that everyone knows where we are.

This week, you brushed your three toothies for the very first time. I gave you your little pink toothbrush and you knew exactly what to do.  I’ve now realised that you’ve been watching me; all this time when I thought all I was doing didn’t register. More than ever, I now know that we are responsible for your actions.

This week too, you had your first ever tantrum. You’re stubborn, determined and loud. Be so. Do not ever settle for anything less than you dream for and never compromise justice, fairness and your rights. In whatever you do though, remember the golden rule, and be sensitive. Be sensitive in all that you do.

From the start, you loved standing up. And now, as you rush to make those first steps the feelings are bittersweet because baby, you’re growing way too fast.

I know you still need me; but I’ll always need you more.

Mummy can’t help but feel nostalgic.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. SC says:

    Beautiful words Dan… Katrin is one lucky child to be surrounded by so much love.

    I still believe she says “Mark” though!


    1. faeryode says:

      Thanks Steph 🙂 Let’s try for your name next 😉


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